Marriage and weddings

The Hindu wedding, vivaha, is one of the most important samskaras, and its date and hour are often set by an astrologer. Celebrations may last several days, with haldi (turmeric) and mehndi (henna) rituals beforehand. In the ceremony, led by a priest before the sacred fire, Agni, the divine witness, the bride’s father gives his daughter in kanyadan and the groom takes her hand. The couple walk around the fire and, in the saptapadi, ‘seven steps’, make vows for nourishment, strength, prosperity, happiness, children, long life and friendship. In many regions the groom ties a mangalsutra necklace and applies sindoor to the bride’s hair parting.

The Sikh wedding, Anand Karaj, ‘blissful union’, takes place in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib, usually in the morning at the gurdwara. After a hymn and a prayer, the bride’s father places one end of a scarf (palla) worn by the groom in his daughter’s hand. Then four hymns, the Lavan, composed by Guru Ram Das, are read and sung. During each, the couple walk clockwise around the scripture, the groom leading, symbolising four stages of the soul’s union with God. The ceremony ends with the Anand Sahib, the Ardas and karah prashad, followed by a shared meal in the langar.

A Parsi Zoroastrian wedding (lagan) is traditionally held around sunset. In one well-known custom, bride and groom sit facing each other with a cloth held between them; their right hands are joined, and a cotton thread is wound around them seven times, binding them together. When the cloth is lowered, they throw rice at one another. Two priests then recite the Ashirvad, blessings in Avestan and Sanskrit, asking the couple and witnesses for their consent and praying for virtue, prosperity and children, while rice is showered over the pair. Iranian Zoroastrian weddings follow their own related customs.

A Jewish wedding takes place under a chuppah, a canopy open on all sides that recalls the tent of Abraham and symbolises the new home. The groom gives the bride a ring before two witnesses, saying, ‘Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.’ The ketubah, a marriage contract setting out the husband’s obligations, is read, and seven blessings (sheva brachot) are recited over a cup of wine. At the end, the groom breaks a glass underfoot, recalling the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem even at a moment of great joy, and guests call out ‘Mazal tov!’

For Catholic and Orthodox Christians, marriage is a sacrament, a sign of God’s grace and of the love between Christ and the Church. In Catholic teaching, the couple themselves are the ministers of the sacrament: they exchange vows of lifelong faithfulness before a priest and witnesses, often within a Nuptial Mass. The Orthodox service centres on the ‘crowning’, when crowns are held or placed over the couple’s heads, followed by a shared cup and a procession three times around the table. Protestant churches see marriage as a holy covenant rather than a sacrament, usually celebrated with vows, the giving of rings, prayers and a blessing.

In Islam, marriage (nikah) is both a contract and a sacred act, described in a well-known saying of the Prophet as half of one’s faith. Its essentials are the free consent of bride and groom, the presence of witnesses and the mahr, a gift from the groom that belongs to the bride alone. In most schools of law the bride is represented by a guardian (wali). An imam or other respected person usually presides, giving a short sermon with Qur’anic verses, and the contract is signed. Afterwards a wedding feast (walima) is held, recommended by the Prophet as a way of announcing the marriage and sharing joy.

Bahá’í marriage requires the free consent of both partners and of all their living parents, a rule intended to strengthen unity between families. The ceremony itself is simple and may be designed by the couple, with readings, music and prayers drawn from any culture. Its one essential element is that bride and groom each say, before two witnesses acceptable to the local Spiritual Assembly, ‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.’ Bahá’í writings describe marriage as a ‘fortress for well-being and salvation’, and couples are encouraged to build an equal, spiritual partnership that serves their wider community.

Shinto weddings (shinzen kekkon, ‘wedding before the kami’) became popular after the marriage of Crown Prince Yoshihito in 1900. Held at a shrine or in a hotel hall with a shrine altar, the ceremony begins with purification by a priest, who reads a prayer (norito) announcing the marriage to the kami. The bride often wears a white kimono (shiromuku) with a white hood. In san-san-kudo, ‘three-three-nine’, bride and groom each take three sips from three cups of sake, sealing their bond. They offer a sacred sakaki branch, and the two families share sake to mark their new relationship. Many Japanese couples today choose chapel-style weddings instead.

In the Confucian classics, marriage unites two families, serves the ancestors and continues the family line. The Book of Rites and related texts outline six rites: a proposal through a go-between; asking the bride’s name and birth date; divination at the ancestral shrine; sending betrothal gifts; choosing an auspicious date; and, finally, the groom fetching the bride. At the new home, the couple bow to heaven and earth, to the groom’s parents and to each other, and the bride is presented at the ancestral altar. A tea ceremony, in which the couple serve tea to their elders, remains a popular custom at Chinese weddings today.

The Yoruba traditional wedding, often called the engagement (ìdána), is a meeting of two families, kept by many Christian and Muslim Yoruba alongside a church or mosque ceremony. It is led by two mistresses of ceremonies, one for each family, who guide proceedings with humour and song. The groom and his friends prostrate themselves before the bride’s family as a sign of respect. Gifts listed by the bride’s family – yams, kola nuts, honey, drinks, fabric and often a Bible or Qur’an – are presented, together with a symbolic bride price. Elders pray over the couple, and the celebration continues with drumming, dancing and feasting.

Greek and Roman weddings were family affairs rich in religious ritual. In Athens, the bride bathed in water from a sacred spring and sacrifices were made; after a feast she was taken by torchlight procession, with songs, to the groom’s house and welcomed at its hearth. A Roman bride wore a flame-coloured veil (flammeum) and her hair in a special style. A married woman, the pronuba, joined the couple’s right hands in the dextrarum iunctio, the central gesture of the rite. In the evening a procession escorted the bride to her new home, where she was carried over the threshold.